Insecurities of Youth
by UKClaire
Summary: Elrohir & Elrond have an argument. Things that were better left unsaid are spoken and insecurites that Elrohir has about his worth are brought into the foreground.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Elrohir **

I can sense my father's presence behind me even before I see the reaction on my twins face. Elladan is instantly still and silent and has found something particularly interesting on the floor and is staring intently at it.

"Which one of you is responsible for this latest stunt?"

I hold a hand up before my brother can speak, knowing that I must take the full credit for this one. "It was I father." I turn to face him and see what has stunned Elladan into silence. Elrond is not happy. In fact I think this is the unhappiest and most annoyed I have seen him in several decades. At least with my brother and I.

"Follow me." He turns with a sweep of his robes and I can do nothing but meekly follow him up the steps and into the house. I risk a glance back at Elladan, who still hasn't moved from his spot at the bottom of the steps and who is looking equally grim. I think I may have over-stepped the mark this time.

I enter father's study just in time to see him dismiss a group of Imladris' warriors and take a seat at his desk. I close the door and stand in front of him.

Neither of us says anything for a moment and I am torn between admitting to this latest prank and begging forgiveness or waiting for him to speak but therefore allowing his anger to build up. Before I can make a decision however, he makes it for me. "What do you have to say for yourself Elrohir?"

"I am sorry father." It's inadequate, I know that, but I know of nothing else to say that will begin to quench the anger which I know is about to be aimed at me. Something I have not experienced in several hundred years and not something I care to repeat again soon. Somehow I know that not even humour is going to get me out of this one.

He turns and faces me and a shiver of fear courses through my body at the expression on his face. "You are sorry?" He almost smiles, and I am not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing. "Do you have any idea of the implications of your latest stunt Elrohir?"

I shake my head and for the first time in my life find myself wordless in front my father; only this is a different Elrond to the one I am used to.

"Then you are not aware of the perilous position this haven is currently in?" You are not aware of the increased warg and orc activity in and around our border of late?"

I nod "Yes father, I am aware, I did not think."

Not the right thing to say. His nostrils flare and he bangs his fist down on the desk in front of him. "You did not think?" I flinch, instinctively shrinking back away from him and I can see from the deep breath he takes that he is struggling to contain his anger. "Due to this prank Imladris is now without several of its warriors. Warriors that I am sure you realise are vital to our safety at the moment."

I nod again. I look at him pleadingly, "I am sorry."

He turns back to the window behind him and I take the momentary reprieve to compose myself.

"I never thought I would say this Elrohir, but at the moment I am embarrassed by you and your actions." He turns to face me "You are my son and you must know certain behaviour is expected of you because of your station."

I nod "Yes Ada."

He sits at his desk. "I do not know if you are aware of this but I have always tried to be slightly more tolerant of your actions than your brother. Elladan is after all, to a certain extent, my heir and knows that he will eventually be a leader to those who dwell here, but you….."

I almost flinch at his words. The very words that have plagued me since I was very young; words that I had never thought would be uttered from my father's mouth. I had always feared that my father saw me as not having much purpose, a spare son if you like. Elladan has been prepared for his role as heir since before our majority, his extra lessons in lore and diplomacy have given him a good foundation to the skills that will be vital in the future. I on the other hand have often felt as if I have been left to flounder with no real goals or guidance from anyone.

I do not know if it was done consciously but father always seemed to have favoured my brother. He always ensured that my twin was the first to progress through each stage of schooling and then warrior training, while I continued along with most of the other elflings. Many a day was spent watching the two of them sparring whilst I sat on the sidelines waiting for Glorfindel to take pity on me and take me off somewhere.

I blink back to reality and realise father has stopped speaking and is looking at me; his brow furrowed at the expression on my face and I quickly correct it to a look of neutrality.

He's getting impatient with me now "Are you even listening to me Elrohir?"

I nod "Yes Ada."

"What did I just say?"

I feel my cheeks flame and I cannot look him in the eye, "I do not know father."

"That is it. I am getting so weary of this Elrohir. Seeing as though you have no interest in behaving like my son I will treat you like one of the guards instead. You will report to Glorfindel first thing in the morning and you will take the place of one of the warriors laid up due to your prank."

"But father, I cannot..."

He cuts me off. "You can and you will. Maybe this is what you need to grow up a bit Elrohir. You are almost six hundred years old, how much longer will you continue to behave like an elfling who knows no better?"

"I am not ready. I have not even been out on a practice patrol yet, you cannot make me."

"Cannot make you? Watch me!"

I am stunned into silence. He cannot be serious. I have barely progressed to the last phase of training yet and he is expecting me to take part in a patrol?

"Get out. I have nothing more to say to you at the moment and have no desire to even look upon you."

I sit there for a moment in shocked silence and stare at my father's back. When it appears that he is serious I quietly stand and leave the room. As I return the empty hallway I lean back against the door and take a deep breath, trying in vain to stop the tears that I can feel welling in my eyes. I distantly hear and sense my brother approach and cross to the other side of the hallway, hiding behind a pillar as he passes behind me up the stairs. I am unable to face even he at the moment.

Once he is gone I turn blindly down the hall and out into the fresh air. Without really noticing where I am going I head for the dense forest that borders our home and stumble into the undergrowth. Minutes later I collapse in front of the nearest tree and finally allow the tears that have been threatening to fall.

Elrond

I am still at the window, trying to stop the trembling coursing through my body and to also suppress the anger that has caused it. I am still amazed that one of my sons would take a prank so far but I am even more shocked and disappointed at myself for the words I said to him.

I instinctively know I may have damaged my son's spirit irreparably with my outburst and berate myself for doing so. Elrohir is definitely the meeker of the twins; always so eager to please those around him and willing to do anything for anyone. His gentle nature is one of the things that makes him so loved by friends and family and I shudder to think that I may have damaged his carefree spirit and broken his heart with my words.

I see movement by the side of the house and turn in time to see him stumbling blindly, alone, towards the nearby trees. I am torn between running after him to apologise and take back the words I said but the anger at the situation he has put me in has not quite died and I am unable to do this.

I instead turn and sit down heavily on the window seat, resting my elbows on my knees and burying my face in my hands. I look up sharply as my door opens and am about to tell the intruder to leave when I see that it is Glorfindel. He has apparently heard the argument from his study next door and has come in to do what he does best; calm me down. However I know that another needs his presence at the moment.

He perches on the desk in front of me. "I take it you had words with Elrohir?"

I nod and meet his gaze. "I think he has realised the consequences of his actions."

He arches an eyebrow at me. "What did you say to him?"

I close my eyes briefly. "Some things that he needed to hear" and some he did not, I add silently.

Again the eyebrow arches. "I said that I was embarrassed to be his father and that he should think long and hard about what type of a person he is and the person he wants to be. I asked him if he forever wanted to be known as a joke."

Glorfindel winces at what I say and I know that I am not alone in thinking I was too harsh. "Where is he now?"

I wave my hand blindly towards the window and the trees beyond and he says nothing more to me before heading in the direction of my son.

Elrohir

I hear footsteps approaching and quickly hide behind the tree I was leaning against. I do not know who it is but know I do not feel ready to face anyone at the moment. As I skirt past the tree and head back out of the forest I am called from behind.

I turn and see Glorfindel approaching me warily and I quickly wipe at my face with my sleeve, knowing it is useless as he is bound to know the reason behind my turmoil.

"Are you well?" He places a hand on my shoulder.

I nod briefly; still not trusting my voice. He sees through me and leads me to sit on one of ornately carves benches in the courtyard. The concern in his eyes as we sit almost undoes me again and I have to turn away from him.

"I just spoke with your father."

I nod again and stare at my hands, unwilling or unable to open myself up to him yet. I notice for the first time that they are shaking and I clench them together to try to still the tremors. Glorfindel has noticed, however, and he covers my hands with his own.

"He regrets some of the things he said to you Elrohir. He would be distressed to see you so upset."

"He's right Glor. I took things too far today."

"Aye, you did child." He turns my face towards him, "but it is done and we both know you cannot undo that which has already been done."

I shake my head. "I do not know what to say to him. What to do to make it up to him."

"There is nothing you can do but give him time, he will come round. He is already beginning to regret some of the things he said to you."

"He said that I am an embarrassment."

He shakes his head emphatically at that and places an arm around my shoulders. "That could not be further from the truth, your father was just speaking in anger, he did not mean what he said. You know he is proud of you."

I shake my head. "Not at the moment he is not. You did not hear what he said to me."

"He has told me some of it and I know that he is deeply regretful of some of the words spoken. You just need to give him time to calm down."

We sit quietly for a moment as my brain whirs with some of the thoughts that have plagued me subconsciously for years, thoughts that have been thrust to the foreground of my mind with my father's words. Doubts about my worth and doubts about my place in my family.

I look at Glorfindel helplessly and as if reading my thoughts he pulls me against his chest.

"You know he is sending me on a patrol tomorrow?" I say against his chest and feel him nod, "I bet right now he would even be glad if I did not make it back alive."

He pulls back abruptly. "Elrohir! Never say that." He places a hand on either side of my face, looking at me for a moment and I can sense him trying to connect with my mind. I resist for a moment unwilling to let him see my deepest darkest fears but he is insistent and I eventually let him in, closing my eyes at the feeling of sudden light-headedness that sweeps over me.

He pulls back after only a minute or so and I see tears welling in his eyes. "How long have you felt like this Elrohir?"

I shake my head.

He meets my eyes. "You are upset Elrohir and your thoughts are not clear. Your father loves you; you must trust me on this. I don't know what has planted the idea that you are inferior in his mind but nothing could be further from the truth."

I look at him doubtfully "It is true Glorfindel, you of all people know this."

"What?"

"Do you not remember all the times in my youth when Adar and Elladan were sparring together and you found me watching them from my rooms. Do you not remember the hours they spent cloistered together in father's study? He spent so much more time with Elladan than I. I was a mere afterthought to him, something to squeeze in between his more important work."

His gaze went vacant for a second, and he is apparently remembering something, before his eyes became clear once more and meet mine. "Aye Elfling I do, but this does not mean anything."

I would laugh if I did not feel like crying again, I had not cried so much since I _was_ an elfling. I meet Glorfindel's gaze again. "It is odd but I have become so accustomed to it over the years that it did not seem to matter so much, until now." My gaze wanders to behind Glorfindel and I see father staring out of his window at us, our eyes meet briefly before he abruptly turns away. "Now father has made his feelings clear."

My face is suddenly yanked to the right and I find myself looking at Glorfindel again. "Please Elrohir, you are speaking nonsense. Yes, your brother was given more training and preparation in his youth, but as you say this was in order for he be ready to rule over Imladris one day, it was never meant to demean or exclude you."

"Then why is that exactly how I felt?" The tears are building anew and I let him pull me against his chest again. We sit there for several minutes before I am aware that another has joined us; my twin is sitting on the other side of me and I do not need to look at him to see the shocked expression on his face. Glorfindel turns me over to him and Elladan immediately wraps his arms around me, confusedly meeting Glorfindel's gaze over my shoulder. I turn into the comfort of my twin and give in again to the tears, this time not even bothering to hide the tremors that are racking my frame. Elladan responds by pulling me closer, somehow instinctively knowing that I just need him.

I pull away eventually and take a deep breath as I lean back against the bench. I close my eyes as the movement brings to my attention a headache that is beginning and I feel Glorfindel place a hand against my forehead. "You should both go to your rooms, you look exhausted Elrohir and should rest for a while."

Elrond

The twins have still not appeared at the dinner table and I am about to raise my concern to the others present when the door opens and Elladan steps quietly into the hall. He does not meet anyone's gaze and seats himself next to Glorfindel.

He meets my gaze dispassionately. "Elrohir is not feeling well so will not be joining us this eve."

"What ails him?"

He looks at me incredulously for a moment, as if amazed I would even ask that question. "He has a headache my Lord."

I wince inside at that expression and know that Elladan has been apprised of the situation and is as upset with me as I am with myself. "Do I need to check on him?"

He looks at me sharply and I feel a twinge of alarm at the panic in his expression "Nay Ada, I sat with him until he fell asleep."

I nod again and cannot help but meet Glorfindel's concerned expression from next to me. "I suppose it is well, he does need to be out early in the morning."

I am again at my window the following morning as the warriors set out on patrol; the changeover between the two guard units happens smoothly and they are soon saddled up and ready to go.

I see Glorfindel approach my son as he leads Ruunya onto the courtyard. He appears to be trying to waylay the fears my son is surely feeling but after a quick hug and a hand laid on his shoulder for support he is up on his horse and ready to leave. I ignore the fact that he looks to be at least two hundred years younger than the rest of the warriors and instead turn back to the work on my desk.

I am interrupted moments later by Glorfindel trailing behind an annoyed Elladan

"Father you cannot be serious?" Elladan starts, gesturing to the window. "This is insane, he's going to be killed!"

I look up at my enraged son. "He needs to learn that there are consequences to his actions Elladan."

"Consequences yes father, but not what you are suggesting. We have carried out pranks for longer than I can remember Ada, some far worse than this so I do not understand why you are punishing him so severely."

I sigh and begin to question that myself but I cannot go back on my threat now. "Elladan, you and Elrohir are more than five hundred years old, you are old enough to understand what is and is not important when it comes to running this realm. The prank that he played has laid up seven of our warriors that we cannot do without at the moment. What do you suggest I do? This way he will learn the consequences of his actions."

"You are going to kill him father!" Elladan says furiously. "He is right about you, you have always hated him!" With that he turns and storms out of the room.

I look at Glorfindel incredulously. "What? Where did that come from?"

He doesn't answer me, his gaze is still drawn to the now closed door.

"Glorfindel you will tell me what is going on?"

He looks at me. "Elrohir and I had a talk yesterday. It seems your words to him have only served to confirm some fears that have been building in him since he was an elfling."

I sink into my chair, my mind thinking furiously over what I said yesterday. "Words. What words?"

He sits also. "The words about treating him differently from Elladan because he was not your heir."

My heart sinks. I said that? No…..I know I said some fairly harsh things to him but I would never have said that.

"I didn't say anything of the sort," however suddenly I am not convinced.

He raises an eyebrow at me "Apparently he has always thought it was so, he has always thought Elladan was your 'favourite'."

I stare at him in shock "And he has felt like this for years?"

My seneschal nods at me sadly "It appears so. He has said that it was just the norm after a while, something he accepted."

My heart lurches again. Why was a not aware of this? I had never consciously treated any of my children any differently from each other. I love them all dearly. I know I spent more time with Elladan in his youth as this was vital for his development, but I didn't know Elrohir was overly aware of this or that it bothered him so much.

Tears spring to my eyes. This had been going on for years. My son had been living with these fears and insecurities about himself since his youth and I didn't know. I wonder if Celebrian did, she always seemed to spend a lot of time with Elrohir.

Suddenly something clicks and I realise just how much extra time I had spent with the older twin. Why hadn't I included Elrohir? There would have been no harm in him proceeding at the same rate as his brother, but at the time it had seemed more important for him to enjoy his childhood. I felt bad enough that Elladan had to start his weapons and lore studies so much earlier than the other elfings and I thought it would benefit Elrohir to progress at the normal speed. How did I not realise how that would make him feel?

Glorfindel has been watching the play of emotions over my face while I have been thinking. "You were not aware of his feelings were you?"

"No! Were you?"

He nods again. "I wasn't aware of how deep or ingrained these feelings were, but I used to seek him out when you and Elladan were busy. I often found him curled up on the window seat watching the two of you together on the training fields, and I would take him to the meadow where we would have our own training session," he almost smiles at this memory.

My breath almost stops at his words and I feel tears well in my eyes. "Why did you not tell me?"

"I did not know it bothered him that much in truth, and I thought Celebrian would speak to you if she thought it was becoming too much of a problem."

I stand up abruptly. "I must speak with him." I turn to the window just in time to see Elladan plodding back into the house alone, the warriors already having disappeared out of sight. It would have to wait for now but I intended to have a good long talk with my son.

TBC….


	2. Chapter 2

A sincere thank you to all of you who have reviewed, I do appreciate it..honestly. Sorry for the delay in this instalment, real life does tend to get in the way of my writing.

Sorry for those of you wanting some real action in this chapter, my intentions for this story where not for Elrohir to get hurt (although these are my favourite types of story!) but it was to focus on his and Elrond's relationship, so I was just going to bring him home after his stint in the wilds...let me know if you want 'injured Elrohir' and I may do a rethink.

**Insecurities of Youth – chapter II**

Elrohir tried to turn back one last time to glance at his home as the group departed but the thick foliage surrounding the house had now almost obscured everything from view. He could feel the eyes of the other warriors burning into the back of his head as he turned back around and he knew they were wondering why he had joined their group so unexpectedly.

He knew some of them from his father's council meetings and from his warrior training. In particular he was quite familiar with Dinendal who rode just ahead of him and he made a mental note to stay close to the seasoned warrior. If they were to encounter any skirmishes he knew the warrior was one of the more experienced of the group and he would do well to stick with him.

He made a futile check that he had all of his weapons to hand; his long sword was attached to his hip, a dagger was tucked into his boot and his bow and quiver, containing 20 arrows, were slung over his back. He didn't know if what he carried was sufficient. Glorfindel had made a check before the party had left, so he knew that he had at least the basic weapons needed but as to how to use them….that was another thing. Having never really had any hostile encounters with anything, Elrohir didn't know how he was going to react should they come across any enemy. He glanced around and realised for the first time that he had surreptitiously been placed in the centre of the riding column with warriors surrounding him on all four sides. Realising that this was for his own protection stung and he knew that to them he was a burden, something extra to be protected when they already had enough to think about.

Elrond

Elrond could feel the glares being thrown at him by his eldest son all the way across the breakfast table. Elladan, who usually sat to Elrond's left at the head of the table, had chosen to seat himself as far away as possible this morning.

Glorfindel and Erestor while not glaring at him were unusually quiet and the atmosphere in the room was thick. He was thankful at least that Celebrian was not present as he would have been on the receiving end of worse censure than just glares. She had recently journeyed to Lorien with Arwen to visit with Celeborn and Galadriel and was not due back for another month at least. Hopefully this would allow him sufficient time to sort the situation with their son out.

Elrond's thoughts turned back to Elrohir and the conversation that he and Glorfindel had had the night before. A conversation that had, in fact, been playing on his mind since it took place and one that had kept him from his sleep. His heart was aching at the information he had learnt about his youngest son.

Elrond had made a vow when the twins and Arwen were born that he would cherish them all; they deserved all the things that Elrond had not had in his youth and he had been determined that they would never want for anything, love least of all. His heart twisted painfully when he thought back to Glorfindel's words; had Elrohir really felt like this for most of his life? Had he really had this hanging over him for hundreds of years?

He sighed and rose to his feet, passing by those still seated before heading out to the balcony that overlooked the rear of the house. Placing his hands on the balustrade he breathed in the scent of the gardens and tried to bring some peace to his mind, but it was no good. He knew would have no ease until Elrohir was returned to him and he had set things straight.

He turned at footsteps behind him; warily watching as Elladan made his way towards him. He turned his gaze back to the gardens as his eldest stood beside him, the silence stretching on for a few minutes before Elladan spoke.

"Glorfindel said that he spoke with you last night."

Elrond nodded "Aye. He filled me in on some things about your brother."

He heard Elladan sigh "Elrohir will be angry with him when he returns."

Elrond turned towards him "Angry? Why?"

"As much as this whole thing has suddenly reared its head it's not something that El ever wanted mentioned. Especially to you."

Elrond bowed his head. "How did I not see what I was doing to him?"

"I did not see it either Ada; I was not even aware of it until a few years ago. El never made mention of it, I think it even became normal after a while."

At seeing a distressed look cross Elrond's face Elladan immediately tried to placate him. "Normal as in he didn't even notice it any more, it was probably Glorfindel and I who paid more attention to it than he."

"Why did none of you mention this to me? If you knew Elrohir felt this way I don't understand why nobody told me."

"As I said Adar. Elrohir doesn't mention it as much any more so we assumed that he had gotten over it. I thought it was just something he felt as we were growing up; twin jealousy."

"It appears not." Elrond ran a hand over his face in despair, then turned back to his son with a bitter smile on his face "Here I was thinking that we had done a good job raising you all; pleased that you had all grown up happy and healthy, I don't think I could have been more wrong if I tried".

Elladan shifted closer to his father and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You did Ada. I promise you that this is the truth; I have never, ever, felt unloved or neglected by either you or Amme." Elladan sighed, "If you want the truth I think this has all been blown out of proportion. Elrohir was upset last night and both Glorfindel and I were angry at seeing this and things were said that maybe should not have been said. Elrohir has never said to me that he thought you hated him, he did not feel this way Ada and I'm sorry for saying this to you. If anything I think he just feels sad about it all and I think your argument, and the fear of his impending punishment, caused everything to come to a head."

Elrond took a deep breath "I only hope you are right and this is something that I can fix by talking to him." He felt tears gathering as he met Elladan's eyes. "I hope you know that if Elrohir does feel this way it was never intentional. I love you all dearly and it breaks my heart to think Elrohir doesn't know this…"

Elladan nodded 'I do know this Ada. _We_ know this" he emphasized. He smiled at his father and tried to lighten the moment. "We've always said El is far too sensitive for his own good…and he would probably agree with us if he were here right now."

"If only he _were_ here right now…." Elrond mused.

Meanwhile…..

They rode for a total of 10 hours that day, interspersed with a few short breaks, and by the time he slid down from his horse for the last time every bone in Elrohir's body was aching. He soon learnt that the patrol he had been assigned to was one of the more distant ones and he was likely to be away from home for at least a week. He despondently set about aiding the others in setting up the camp, grateful that this was at least one thing he knew to do from previous camping trips with his father and Elladan.

As he collapsed down on his bedroll an hour later his mind wandered to his twin and he reached out through their bond, sure that Elladan was waiting to hear from him. Sure enough he felt Elladan's mind touch his briefly, concern over his well-being foremost. Once he had reassured his twin that he was well enough he silently bade him goodnight and was asleep within seconds.

He was shaken awake during the night for his watch and he quickly scrambled up to the chosen perch further up the hill. His mind soon wandered to his family back at home and he wondered how Elladan was fairing without him. This was to be the first time that the two of them had been separated for any length of time, something else that he was sure his father had not even considered. He smiled when he thought of his twin. Elladan and he had always been closer than most siblings and had spent much of their lives together, still in fact sharing the same room. As unclear as he was about his role in the family now, he didn't begrudge Elladan anything. Elladan was the one constant thing in his life, he knew his twin would be there for him no matter what, and vice versa. He was so proud of his brother, so proud of the elf he had become, and was destined to become. In spite of what he himself had gone through he didn't blame Elladan one iota.

As his watch progressed his head suddenly snapped up as he heard a twig snap in the distance. He tried to focus his eyes through the inky black darkness to see what it was that was moving but could see nothing. He stood up slowly and carried on looking through the trees, jumping back slightly as he saw several dark figures moving around in the distance.

Panic flared in him briefly and he took a deep breath in order to gather his wits, he then turned and ran silently back to the sleeping elves; going immediately to wake Dinendal first with a shake on the shoulder. "Several figures are approaching from the east" he whispered to him once he was sure he was alert.

Between them they quickly woke the rest of the group and he watched as the warriors around him assumed apparent pre-planned hiding positions. He felt a touch to his arm and saw Dinendal next to him indicating for Elrohir to follow him. He followed him up into the trees surrounding their camp, both of them leaping through the branches until they were well concealed amongst the foliage. They were soon joined by one of the younger elves Amras and the three of them peered silently down at the ground.

They were somewhat relieved when only a dozen orcs came blundering through the bushes and into their camp – Amras and Dinendal immediately drew their bow and arrows and began firing at them. Elrohir merely watched to begin with, awed by the speed and accuracy of their arrows but also scared at the ferocity of the arrows suddenly being sent back at them.

Suddenly he spied an orc below them, an arrow aimed directly at Amras. Quickly reaching for the dagger in his boot Elrohir threw it at the creature, a thrill coursing through him as it reached its mark and stabbed the foul beast in the eye. He couldn't tear his eyes from it as it fell to the ground. His first kill. He didn't have time to dwell on this though as the fight was apparently over and Dinendal and Amras had already dropped from the tree to the ground earth below and were beckoning him to follow them.

He did as he was bid and quickly lowered himself to the ground, skirting around the orc that still lay at the bottom of the tree. Amras approached him. "Thank you Elrohir." He nudged the dead orc with his boot "I think you saved my life."

Elrohir shook his head "I…."

Amras placed a hand on his arm. "Was this your first kill?"

Elrohir nodded meeting Amras' gaze squarely. "Aye, it was"

Amras squeezed his arm. "It is okay Elrohir, I went through the same feelings after my first kill." He wandered over to the fire and Elrohir followed him, both of them taking the brief opportunity to warm themselves while the rest of the patrol regrouped.

Once seated on their bedrolls Elrohir listened as Amras retold the story of his first kill, taking some comfort from the details. "Trust me Elrohir, it is either kill or be killed out here. If you had not killed that orc he would have killed me and then probably you."

Elrohir nodded "I know I will get used to it after a while but now it….it just all feels so barbaric, so violent."

Amras gazed at him out of the corner of his eye. "I can't help but wonder why you are here Elrohir. Don't get me wrong, I know you are capable; you have more than proved that tonight. I just wonder why a son of Elrond, who is only just past his majority, has gone on a two week long patrol on his own."

Elrohir looked down at his hands. "Let's just say my father and I had a disagreement and this was my punishment."

Amras nodded "It must have been some disagreement if he has sent you out on the worst possible patrol?" He smiled at Elrohir.

Elrohir's eyes widened at that "Why is it the worst?"

Amras settled back against a tree, "It's the one that is furthest away from home so is usually the longest, it's also one of the more dangerous ones…."

Elrohir almost laughed at that "Not what I wanted to hear." He rose stiffly from the ground and yawned. "I'm going to wash up and then try to catch a bit more sleep." He nodded at his companion "I shall see you in the morn Amras."

TBC….


	3. Chapter 3

A huge thank you to all of those who have stuck with me this far and even more so to those who have reviewed this story. I do really mean that - it is the reviews that I receive that encourage me to keep going.

My undying gratitude also to Peredhil Lover who has beta'd this chapter for me (and provided lots of guidance along the way). You're a star!

Sorry for the delay in posting this next chapter. You may be pleased to know that the next chapter is almost done so will be posted a lot quicker.

Anyway, onto the story……

**Chapter 3**

**Two days later**

Elrohir settled himself back against his saddle with a smile as he surveyed the view. The sun was shining above him and he could faintly hear the soothing sounds of the Bruinen to the east. He was surprised to find that he was actually beginning to enjoy himself, saddle soreness and all.

While in all likelihood this was a novelty that would wear off in due time, for now he was happy. Yes, there had been long periods of sheer boredom, interspersed with moments of complete terror, but there was no mistaking the fact that going on patrol was something Elrohir could get used to. Though neither he nor his brother had felt the need to seek other friends before, during the past few days he had bonded with his fellow warriors and, much to his surprise, he had found a real friend in Amras.

After three days of riding, they were due later that night to reach the distant outposts of Imladris, where they would spend four days on patrol before heading back. So far they had been involved in only two small skirmishes, and both groups of orcs had been dispatched quickly and efficiently, with no injuries to their party.

The previous night, Dinendal had told him that to encounter any orcs at all whilst on this watch was very rare and to encounter two before even reaching the outpost was almost unheard of, so the group was naturally on edge. Elrohir had confessed to Dinendal the reason for his presence there and he was concerned that he would lose the warrior's respect as a result. Now that he had spent time out on patrol, he knew how vital these warriors were to the security of his home, and he finally appreciated the consequences of his actions. However, his confession did not appear to have affected Dinendal's opinion of him; he did not even seem to be surprised and Elrohir wondered if someone had already spoken to him prior to their departure.

He glanced to his side and saw that Dinendal's attention had been drawn to the bushes on their left. Elrohir and the rest of the warriors slowed their horses in response, and all was silent as they listened to the rustling of the foliage beside them . Elrohir could feel the rising tension in the group and he instinctively placed his hand over the hilt of his sword in readiness.

Dinendal dismounted, followed by two of his warriors, whilst Elrohir and the others remained seated. Elrohir watched as the three edged their way into the fringes of the forest; Dinendal signalled to the others to fan out and they all disappeared into the undergrowth. Nothing was heard for several minutes and the remaining warriors kept their eyes trained on the forest in front of them.

Seconds later there was a crash from the trees and Elrohir's horse reared up as three large orcs emerged suddenly from the foliage, heading towards them with their swords raised. The group reacted instantly and a bitter fight ensued. There was pandemonium for several minutes as the mounted warriors started to attack the orcs whilst Dinendal and the two others had taken cover in the trees and were firing arrow upon arrow into the group.

Elrohir could feel his mount still dancing skittishly beneath him, panicked by the sudden flurry of activity, and he sent a silent prayer for the horse to hold her nerve long enough for him to fight off the orc currently intent on beheading him with a large scimitar. As the horse reared up again he managed to use this to his advantage, watching with satisfaction as the horse's hooves connected with the orc's head with a sickening thud and the beast fell in a heap on the dirt below.

Glancing around quickly, Elrohir saw that the other warriors had the situation under control, so he concentrated on calming Ruunya down, but his soothing words failed to settle her. The last remaining orc let out a loud shout as it was stabbed fiercely through the chest and, as it fell in front of him, Elrohir found himself having to grab hold of the saddle as his horse reared up once again.

All of his strength seemed to have fled him and he knew instinctively that this time gravity was going to win. He tried frantically to free his feet from the stirrups in preparation for the fall, and he did manage to free one foot, but the horse was scared to the end of her nerves and began to bolt. The other warriors around him had realised what was about to happen and the nearest three reached forward to grab hold of Ruunya's rein, but to no avail. The horse set off at a canter with Elrohir dragging behind her.

Pain shot up his left side as he was dragged and Elrohir knew that he had lost at least one layer of skin. His adrenaline kicked in and, after a couple of failed attempts, he managed to fold his body up enough to be able to grasp his boot. However, at that moment, the horse veered off to the side and Elrohir lost his tenuous grip, bumping his head on the ground as he returned to his previous position. After what seemed an eternity he felt the horse begin to slow and saw out of the corner of his eye another horse riding alongside his. The horse finally slowed to a trot then stopped and Elrohir lay back on the ground with a groan, closing his eyes to catch his breath as he tried to assess his injuries.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he squinted up at the face hovering anxiously over him. "Elrohir are you hurt?"

Shaking his head gingerly, he mentally made a check of his limbs and was pleased to find out that they all seemed to be working. "I don't think so."

Upon further thought, however, he could not deny the headache that was growing in intensity nor the wetness he felt soaking through his tunic on his left side. Also, his right ankle, which was still twisted in the stirrup, was beginning to throb painfully. He groaned "I take that back. My leg…"

Dinendal moved to the other side of Ruunya and carefully undid the girth of the saddle, easing it off of the horse, and lowering Elrohir's leg slowly to the ground. He bent over the ankle and released it from the stirrup. Elrohir bolted upright as pain rocketed up his leg.

He could feel Dinendal gently flexing the ankle from left to right and there was no mistaking the sound of bone grinding against bone. He clenched his teeth, determined not to embarrass himself in front of the others but fearing that he was likely to pass out. He felt a hand press against his forehead, trying to sooth him and with that he felt the edges of his consciousness blur and the pain lessening before all went dark.

When he woke he had been moved to the shelter of the trees and he could feel tight bandaging and splints around his ankle. He was shirtless and the pain that had left his side throbbing had lessened. He turned his head to the side and saw the rest of the group encamped several feet away. They were not yet aware that he was awake.

Seconds later he felt a thought nudge his mind and, knowing it could only be Elladan or his father, he opened his senses, closing his eyes at the same time.

"Roh? I can feel your pain. What has happened?"

"I am fine, brother. I merely had a small accident."

"An accident? Are you injured?"

"I believe that my ankle is broken and I have a terrible headache but apart from that…"

"What happened?!"

Elrohir hesitated for a moment before responding, embarrassed about the cause of his injuries. "Ruunya got spooked and bolted, with me still in the saddle."

"Have your wounds been treated?"

"Yes, of course Elladan. They have my leg in a splint and I'm sure when they realise I am awake they will be over here with the appropriate herbs to treat my headache as well."

"Are you coming home now?" Elrohir could not help but smile at the almost pleading tone in his brother's voice.

"I do not know, though I imagine so. I can not very well carry on with my leg trussed up."

Elrohir waited for his brother to respond and after a few moments Elladan spoke again: "Ada is here. I am sure he has come to see if I have contacted you. I will go now, brother, but I will seek you out later to see how you fare. Tell them you are awake so they can tend to you!"

Elrohir opened his eyes as he heard shuffling to his side as if on cue and Dinendal approached him with a healing kit. He said goodbye to his twin and struggled to raise his body up onto his elbows. He smiled as the warrior crouched at his side and placed his hand gently on his leg. They were both quiet for a moment and Elrohir allowed the warrior to assess his injuries thoroughly without interfering.

"How do you feel Elrohir?"

"I have a headache, and my ankle is throbbing."

"I am not surprised. I can imagine that being dragged a hundred yards across the ground may hurt somewhat."

Elrohir smiled at him but it quickly turned into a wince as he felt Dinendal check the bandages and split on his leg.

"Now you are awake I want to make sure you have not lost any feeling in your toes. What toe am I pinching?"

Pleased that he could definitely feel Dinendal squeezing his big toe Elrohir was able to answer confidently and he breathed a sigh of relief as it became apparent that the break wasn't too serious. He answered the rest of the questions aimed at him with equal confidence and smiled as Dinendal sat down next to him and spoke. "It was a clean break and your leg should be well on its way to healing within a few days."

"You also have several nasty bumps on the back of your head, but fortunately you seem to have escaped a concussion. I believe the most painful injury will be the layers of skin that you have managed to strip off your left side. I have dressed your wounds to the best of my ability, and I shall give you some herbs, but this will pain you for several days."

Dinendal began to add some herbs to a pot of warmed water and he shook his head, smiling, as he caught Elrohir's gaze on him. "Your father spoke truly when he said that you and your twin are injury prone and that I should keep a special eye on you!"

Elrohir laughed softly. "I am surprised that you did not already know this. Elladan and I have a reputation already when it comes to getting injured. When did Ada warn you of this?"

Dinendal smiled gently at him. "Just before we left on this patrol, Elrohir. I knew the story behind you being sent here, although your father asked me not to tell you until, and if, you told me yourself."

Elrohir watched him silently, his mind trying to take in what the warrior was saying to him.

"He did not want to send you on this patrol, though not because he doubted you, but because he was so worried your safety." Dinendal hesitated, catching the slight hitch in Elrohir's breathing, before continuing: "He had to make an example of you, Elrohir. As much as it pained him he had to see it through."

Elrohir nodded, and suddenly unable to meet Dinendal's gaze, he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. I know what you must think of me now".

Dinendal shook his head. "You are yet young. We have all made mistakes, in our youth in particular, and as long as you have learnt from this mistake then there is nothing to be sorry for."

"Injury notwithstanding I think I can say that I have learnt to appreciate just what you and those like you have to endure to see to the safety and wellbeing of my family. I hope that when I start to take part in the patrols with my brother that we will do my father proud."

"He is already proud of you," responded Dinendal with a smile, as he handed Elrohir the cup of steaming herbs. "Drink this, it will help you to sleep. Once you are rested, we must look to getting you back home."

He helped the youth to finish the concoction before easing him back to his bedroll, and Elrohir felt the gentle hand again upon his forehead as he sunk back into the pain free peace of sleep.

TBC…..


	4. Chapter 4

A huge thank you to all of you who are reading this story and especially to those who have been reviewing. Your comments have been great and have spurred me on to write this next instalment.

Thanks as ever to Peredhil Lover who has beta'd this for me again – you help is always much appreciated.

**Chapter 4**

As he awoke the next morning, Elrohir could sense the activity in the camp before he had opened his eyes. He heard the sound of shuffling beside him and felt a warm breath on his face as whiskers tickled his cheek. Opening his eyes blearily, he smiled as he saw Ruunya's nose inches above his face. He turned his head to one side to avoid the snuffling animal, half-heartedly pushing the snout away before gingerly sitting up. For a moment, the world seemed to tilt before him, and he closed his eyes again briefly as he took a few deep breaths to steady himself. Soon, he had regained his equilibrium enough to be able to assess his injuries, and he was pleased to note that, although his leg was still throbbing, the graze on his side felt much more comfortable.

Turning his gaze to the rest of the camp he saw various elves scurrying around him, and he realised to his dismay that they were packing to leave, which of course meant that he too would need to ready himself. He tentatively tried to move his right leg but instantly regretted it as another wave of pain almost knocked him out again. Lifting the blanket that had been placed over him during the night, he stared at his leg with mingled horror and dismay. It appeared that he had badly misjudged the severity of the break, for his leg was almost black in colour and tightly bound from his knee to the tip of his foot.

Amras, who had just walked past, noticed that Elrohir was awake and turned to greet him before hesitating at the look on his friend's face. "Elrohir?" He approached and crouched at his side, while at the same time looking anxiously for Dinendal. "Are you well?"

Elrohir jerked out of his stupor at the sound of the voice and turned to look at Amras. "Aye. Forgive me, I was miles away."

"Are you well?" Amras repeated.

"Yes. I just…" he looked back down at his leg, "I thought my leg wasn't broken too badly but looking at it now…"

Amras nodded as he too peered down at the injured limb. "Dinendal did say that the break was not too serious. I am sure that it looks worse that it actually is. You of all people should know that bruises look worse the day after an injury has occurred."

Elrohir sighed. "Aye, I know." He peered past Amras to see if he could locate Dinendal. "Has anyone mentioned to you how I am to get home?"

"The incoming patrol is due to pass through here in an hour or so. I understand the plan is for them to escort you back whilst we continue on to the outpost." Amras tilted his head toward the pile of bedrolls under his arm as he continued: "We are just packing up now."

Elrohir fell silent at this. He had known that his injury would mean the end of his time with the patrol, and therefore the end of his test, so he was unsure as to why he suddenly felt so disappointed. He sighed as he met Amras's enquiring gaze. "Whilst I am looking forward to returning home, I am also saddened to be leaving you all. I feel as though I have failed you."

"You have not failed us, Elrohir. In fact, you have been a credit to this patrol." He settled on his knees beside Elrohir. "You have certainly made a typically dull experience into a much more interesting one!"

Elrohir rolled his eyes. "I am glad to have provided some entertainment for you all."

Amras laughed with him. "I truly am looking forward to the day when you are able to join us more regularly, Elrohir. I do believe that had it not been for your injury, you would have surprised even yourself with your capability. Though I think I may live to regret that comment when you are joined by your twin, for I have heard you two are a formidable force once together."

"Aye, it has been said, though I would add that Elladan is by far the greater troublemaker ."

Amras shook his head. "Eru save us all." He clasped hands with Elrohir as he stood. "It has indeed been a pleasure to have been working alongside you. If you will permit me I would like to visit you once I return home."

"No permission is needed Amras. I am quite certain that I will still be in the halls of healing when you return, should my father get his way."

Amras took his leave then and Dinendal soon replaced him. "I suspect you are keen to get home Elrohir?"

"Yes, I am. Amras said that I am to return home with the incoming patrol?"

Dinendal nodded. "Yes, they are due through here very shortly." He peered down at Elrohir's leg, also frowning at its colour. "I will need to check your leg before you leave."

Elrohir lay back down on the bedroll, trying to prepare himself for the pain that he knew would follow. Surely enough, the moment Dinendal touched his leg, intense pain shot through the limb, and he had to grit his teeth to avoid crying out. As the leg was gradually unwrapped, he could not completely conceal the horror in his voice as he asked: "Is it supposed to be that colour?"

Dinendal was feeling gently around the leg. "I will admit that it has bruised far more than I expected, but from what I can tell the bone is still in the correct position and properly aligned."

He met Elrohir's gaze as he continued: "I will be far happier when you are home and under your father's care. Unfortunately, none here have the healing skills that he has."

He looked back down at the leg thoughtfully for a few moments. "You are not going to be happy when I tell you this, but I am afraid that even if I completely cover your leg in splints you will not be able to adequately ride or control your horse. You will have to ride with another one of the patrol."

Holding up a hand to forestall the argument he could see brewing, Dinendal continued: "I will not bend on this Elrohir. If you had a more…" he glanced at the horse which was still hovering over Elrohir's shoulder, "docile and controllable mount I might consider it but I will not while you are riding that beast."

"I trained Ruunya from a foal." Elrohir responded as he looked sympathetically at the horse and reached up to stroke her nose.

Elrohir grinned as the horse rubbed her nose affectionately against his cheek in response. "In hindsight I should have brought another horse. Elladan and I have spent hours training her but I do not think she was quite prepared for this, she has barely been outside of Imladris before."

Dinendal pursed his lips at the pair of them. "You are both as bad as each other." He countered the harsh words with a smile as he continued: "Let me re-splint your leg and by the time that is done the patrol should be here and we can get you on your way."

Both were silent for the next few minutes as the leg was carefully rebandaged and splinted. When the work was finished, Elrohir met the other warrior's gaze squarely as he spoke: "Thank you, Dinendal, for looking out for me since we set out, and for your words last night."

Dinendal merely nodded at him before gathering up the soiled bandages. "You are welcome, young one."

Elrohir rested again as he awaited the arrival of the second patrol and, within the hour, he heard the sound of hoof beats echoing through the clearing. As the other warriors warmly greeted the incoming group of seven elves who were their friends and comrades, Elrohir realised just how much he was missing his own family.

Sitting quietly under a tree, he tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible, which soon became impossible as he realised he was the current topic of conversation amongst several of the elves. Dinendal was speaking to two of the more senior warriors, and it looked as though they were discussing the means of his transportation. His ears pricked up when he heard the word litter and he almost groaned. He was destined to be towed back to Imladris behind a horse, and he did not believe that he could bear the humiliation of that!

He was about to very loudly vocalise his objections, when the three elves walked over to him and he was introduced to Tathar & Valandil, the two warriors in charge of the patrol. Much to his relief he was informed that he would be riding with Valandil on the return trip, which although not ideal, was not as humiliating as arriving home from his first patrol flat on his back.

Twenty minutes later he found himself with his leg firmly strapped and splinted, seated precariously on Valandil's horse. He was surprised at the extent of the dizziness he felt when he was first placed there. Dinendal, meeting his gaze sharply, seemed to sense this as he placed a steadying hand on Elrohir's back. "Are you sure you feel up to travelling?"

"Aye. I think it was just a dizzy spell as I have been horizontal for the past 24 hours. I am well, Dinendal."

"Very well. I have spoken with Tathar and Valandil and they are expecting to arrive at Imladris in about two days. They are all eager to get themselves, and you, home as quickly as possible , and thus are intending to ride through the night tonight. You should try to get some rest if you can." He stepped back as Valandil mounted behind Elrohir and he bid them farewell: "Take care, Elrohir. I will come to see you when I return."

"Thank you, Dinendal. Safe journey to all of you as well."

Elrohir glanced back as Valandil turned the horse and led the way out of the clearing, returning the wave Amras gave him as he rode in the opposite direction.

The party had to stop several times on the way home to attend to Elrohir. The pain in his leg had intensified within the first hour of the ride due to the constant rubbing of his calf against the horse's flank. As much as he and Valandil had tried to keep his leg away from the horse the natural rhythm of their gait made this impossible and they had stopped four times so far to give him time for his leg to rest. The others were growing increasingly worried about him and were contemplating transferring him to a litter as they originally suggested, but even in his semi-conscious state Elrohir balked at the idea.

The group had a healer amongst them, and several of the others were seasoned warriors who had extensive experience with broken limbs. It was clear to all that the broken bones in the damaged leg had become misaligned during their journey, but none amongst them had the ability to reset it. They were torn between going against Elrohir's wishes and transporting him back on the litter or sending some of the party back to get help.

In his pain, Elrohir had neglected the fact that they were not yet within the boundaries of Imladris. However, the three warriors that were currently patrolling the edges of their camp made it more than apparent that the group was concerned about the safety of the location that they had been forced to stop in. Finally realising that he must swallow his pride and do whatever was necessary to get them all home safely, Elrohir spoke wearily to Tathar as he approached: "I am sorry, Tathar, I was behaving like a child earlier when I refused the litter. If you believe that to be the best means to get me home, I will consent to it."

Tathar shook his head and handed him a cup full of steaming water that had been laced with herbs. "Here, drink this, it will ease the pain somewhat."

Elrohir gratefully took the cup and drained the liquid in a few gulps, before handing it back. "My thanks."

Tathar sat next to him. "We have two options Elrohir: we can either strap you to a litter and get you home, albeit painfully, within the day; or we can send back two warriors for aide," he raised an eyebrow at Elrohir, "namely, your father. while the rest of us wait here for two or three more days."

Elrohir looked at him for a moment before responding. "To be honest with you, I would not be surprised if my father and brother were already on their way."

Tathar laughed. "I had heard of your father's abilities. Do you share them also?"

"Not to the same extent. Elladan and I can mind speak, but my father has always been very in tune with the emotions of his children." He rolled his eyes as he continued: "I can guarantee that he knows of the extent of my injuries and he is either preparing the halls of healing for my arrival or he is already on his way. I think that the best option would be for two to ride to meet them whilst we wait here, if you are agreeable to this?"

"I am. This is the best course of action considering the trouble your leg is causing you. I have no doubts that Lord Elrond would also think it wise to keep you still until he can look at your leg."

Elrohir nodded and did a quick scan for his bedroll, needing to get comfortable if they were going to be sheltering in the glade for a while. He smiled gratefully at Tathar as the warrior plucked the bedroll from the pile of equipment that had been gathered nearby and rolled it out next to where Elrohir was sitting. "Do you need some help?"

"No, I thank you."

Tathar placed a hand on his shoulder and took his leave. "Try to get some rest, Elrohir. Call me if the pain worsens and I will prepare for you some more athelas."

Despite his deep weariness, Elrohir found himself unable to sleep. The pain in his leg, whilst having eased somewhat, was still present and not surprisingly he found it difficult to get comfortable.

Thoughts of Elrond flitted through his mind and he began to wonder if he _was_ actually on his way. Though Elrohir had been in contact with his brother the day before, he had not dared attempt to reach his father, for he feared that, due to their argument, his father might be blocking him on purpose. He shook his head mentally, deciding that this was unlikely. His father had been furious with him before he left , that much he knew, but he also knew that his father seldom bore a grudge, and certainly not one that would keep him away if one of his children needed him.

Closing his eyes, he opened his senses. His twin was asleep, that much was obvious, and he continued along the same thread until he reached the steady presence of his father. He suddenly felt like he was an elfling of no more than 50 years. "Ada?"

He could feel his father touch his mind and he sighed with relief, realising how much he had missed the presence over the last few days.

"I am here Elrohir."

Elrohir couldn't form the words in his mind for a few moments and he had to blink back his tears at the first sound of his father's voice. "I am sorry, Ada, I hope I did not wake you. I have been unable to find any rest tonight."

"I can sense you are still in pain. Does the patrol not have any medicaments or herbs with them?"

"Valandil and Tathar are looking after me; they gave me some Athelas an hour ago and the pain has eased."

" We will be with you tomorrow."

Elrohir felt his heart surge with relief at hearing this news and he wondered how he could have doubted his father, even for a second. He took a deep breath, not bothering to hide the smile that appeared on his face. "Ada, I wanted to speak with you about what happened before I left…."

"No Elrohir. We will speak of this when you are not exhausted, in pain and in need of rest. All will be well, but for now you must sleep."

Elrohir nodded in response. "Yes Ada. I will try."

He felt his father draw back from the connection and with his mind resting easier he was finally able to find the healing sleep that had previously escaped him.

TBC…..


End file.
